Whod you bang
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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