I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize