Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
