he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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