I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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