I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
