If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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