I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
