i permit you to call me
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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