i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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