i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
