Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
