We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
