Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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