maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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