why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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