3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
