No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
