im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize