She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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