remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
