the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
