I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
