I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Even my vagina gasped.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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