Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize