Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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