I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
