Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
