Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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