You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
