i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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