I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
