I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Randomize
