Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize