Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
