I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
