you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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