Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
