considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
