So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize