Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize