home. puking in laundry basket.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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