he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
