First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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