Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
