Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
