if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
