Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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