my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
