The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
