ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
bring money and cleavage
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
