No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize