It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
