apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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