its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
