im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
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