So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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