I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
