is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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