she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
