I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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