ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
