I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
