Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
love makes seman taste better
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize