But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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