like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
