no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
