She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
