If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
