You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
this hospital has no fireball
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize