i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
