I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
