if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
why is half of my head shaved?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
