She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
