you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Randomize
