Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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