Screwed.edu
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
