She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
