new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
