this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
